


the adventures of jon and robb, undead frat boys

by remy (iamremy)



Series: askbox prompts (multifandom) [2]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, Excessive Drinking, Ficlet, Gen, Inspired By Tumblr, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, canon compliant crack, if that's a thing, no seriously this is pure crack lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 16:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20709224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamremy/pseuds/remy
Summary: szamanita asked:prompt: crackfic about Jon and Rob having a drinking contest in the afterlife





	the adventures of jon and robb, undead frat boys

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Louhetar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louhetar/gifts).

> i'd watch a whole netflix series on this tbh.
> 
> based on [this post](https://chesterbennington.co.vu/post/174285513123/pippaofhainault-im-like-99-sure-jon-and-robb).

“DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!” chants Robb, as Jon chugs down an entire tumbler of ale in one go. He slams it down when he’s done and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand in a manner that would have had him smacked on the back of the head by his father if he’d done it as a child.

“Your turn,” he informs Robb sloppily, sliding the tumbler over. It’s already full again. Jon fucking _loves_ the afterlife.

“What do I get if I win?” Robb asks, surprisingly not drunk enough to be incomprehensible yet. Getting there, though. Definitely getting there.

“Father’s unending disapproval,” Jon tells him, and then begins laughing at his own joke.

“He already has that,” Ned mutters from where he’s sitting, a few feet away from his sons. “So do you, as it happens.”

“Oh,” Jon says, all the good cheer going out of him. He reaches over and steals the tumbler from Robb, ignoring the drink sloshing over the edges. “Father doesn’t love me,” he says morosely and then takes a long drink.

“Don’t be stupid,” Robb tells him, grabbing the tumbler back. It’s refilled again. “Father loves you _very much_. Don’t you, Father?”

“Do I?” questions Ned. It seems to be directed at himself rather than at his boys.

“Yes,” Robb tells him decisively. “And I do too. Even though Jon is stupid and got stabbed.”

“You’re also stupid, and you _also_ got stabbed,” Jon reminds Robb.

“That was unpleasant,” Robb says, and then begins chugging the ale.

“You think stabbing’s unpleasant, try having your head chopped off,” mutters Ned, watching Robb with the sort of look that indicates he wishes he’d just gone to sleep the night Robb was conceived.

Robb finishes drinking and slams the tumbler down. “Father!” he says loudly, and then hiccups. “It’s _all_ unpleasant. Everything is…” He trails off.

“Everything’s what?” Jon prods when Robb doesn’t go on.

“I forgot,” Robb tells him. “Did I win?”

“No,” Jon says. “It’s my turn again.”

“Have mercy on me,” begs Ned. “Stop drinking. You’ve been reunited after years. Do something else.”

“We already caught up on each other’s lives,” Robb points out while Jon drinks. “It was all shit. And drinking improves shit.”

“Who taught you that?” Ned questions. “Because it surely was not me.”

“Jory,” Robb tells him happily.

“Wildlings do it too,” Jon informs them. “You should meet my friend Tormund. You’d like him. I hope he’s not dead too.”

“Being dead’s not so bad,” Robb points out. “There’s unlimited drink.”

“Still tastes awful,” mutters Jon. “Everything is awful.”

“And unpleasant,” adds Robb.

“And unpleasant,” echoes Jon, and then promptly passes out.

He wakes up completely naked, lying on a cold table in a barricaded room in Castle Black, and his first, irrational thought is _thank every god there is that I’m not hungover_.

**Author's Note:**

> if it made you at least smile, please consider dropping a comment :) 
> 
> love,  
remy


End file.
